Thursday, November 4, 2010

Mentoring...control freak & screaming!

So I took my already completely busy schedule and managed to break off a few hours a week to mentor a 9 year old girl that I met through the safe house. I can truly say that while I don't have the time, I also have to help out when I know a situation. We have fun every weekend, Austin comes with us most of the time since I don't really have a babysitter, so while every now and then we have to deal with Austin being 1 at least we get to hang out together. I call it making the best with what we have. :-) I bought season tickets to the girls basketball team that I helped coach last year so her and I can go watch those games and other than that we do what normal 9 year old's do.

I have come to except that I am some what of a control freak, I like things done certain ways, and while I am not so bad as to refuse help with something like dishes because I HAVE to have them done a certain way. I am pretty bad. Nothing has made this more apparent then Joe working so much. I read an article a while back about military wives. With Colorado Springs being a military town we have a lot of wives and families that are left alone during wartime. The article showcased the fact that when their husbands leave for war at first they have a hard time adjusting and then they get in a routine. So much so that when their husbands come back it's extremely hard to change that routine. I couldn't have said it better....Joe is gone during the day and I run the house, the shopping, anything to do with Austin and what not. If by chance Joe is around for an ENTIRE day I pretty much just spend it biting my tongue thinking to myself "well we don't do things that way when you're not here". Of course I have become a master of biting my tongue these days what with owning a stressful business and watching my once gleaming credit score hit new record lows from over extension, but on occasion I let it slip generally ending is a knock down drag out fight that I win...or I think I win, but still have to apologize for. Like I said I try and just bite my tongue so it's easier. Heaven forbid Joe and I spend the whole day together alone because the phrase "you outta" comes up at some point either me saying it about the business or him saying it about the home and the gloves come off. What's the old saying...single and lonely, married (or pretending to be married) and fighting - or was it bored. Either way. :-)

Austin screams in the car. Yep all the time. Apparently not when Joe takes her somewhere though. So maybe it's my car. Like the trip to Sturgis she screamed for 5 1/2 of the 7 hour trip and since she's still a baby and we can't just beat her, we just sat and stared at each other. I swear to you if Joe had said one "dumb" thing I would have stabbed him to death. I just sat waiting for something to happen to take some frustration out. I have no clue how parents of colicky babies do it. I normally don't let noise bother me, but something about being trapped in a car with ear piercing sounds make you turn into a crazy person. The other day we were driving in traffic and she let out a screech that was so loud that I swerved, for no reason mind you, she was silent and then she was a tea kettle. Of course when she still had a pacifier this was not an issue, she slept all the time in the car, when her wicked mother took away her pacifier because I got tired of trying to find it for her all hell broke loose. I have thought about giving it back to her, but at this point I am pretty sure we are in a battle of the wills and I am refusing to lose. Most of the time we just drive with the windows down so the screaming is muffled by the wind whipping through and destroying my hair. Ahhhh, motherhood has taken something I once loved like driving and turned it into something that drives me to debate on nailing my forehead to the dash. Perfect.


Anne said...

haha - I could've written the part about "that's not how we do it when you're not here". Normally I don't notice so much b/c Peter is rarely here but he just had a 5 day weekend and I found myself thinking that a few times! ;o)

LauraSuz said...

I think that's normal and just one of the harder things about staying-at-home. I've had to apologize many times for saying things I shouldn't in this area. I'm terrible at not only biting my tongue but actually changing my mind set as well. With effort on my part and time, I'm hopeful that I'll change!