My Mom always cautioned me that I shouldn't be worth more dead than alive, but as fate would have it I have a daughter who would need a lot if I were not around. So I bit the bullet and took out life insurance on Joe and I. With Joe just enough to cover the business and hire someone to work it full time. But with me, what's the going rate of a mother, girlfriend, house keeper, cook and nanny. Well I decided just about a million bucks outta cover it. I didn't think it would feel any different, but I have to say it feels weird to be worth like negative $400,000 alive and a cool million dead.
On to other weird news...we live in Colorado and it has not snowed even one little time. In fact it's supposed to be 76 tomorrow! What on earth is going on?!?!?! The planet is melting.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Mentoring...control freak & screaming!
So I took my already completely busy schedule and managed to break off a few hours a week to mentor a 9 year old girl that I met through the safe house. I can truly say that while I don't have the time, I also have to help out when I know a situation. We have fun every weekend, Austin comes with us most of the time since I don't really have a babysitter, so while every now and then we have to deal with Austin being 1 at least we get to hang out together. I call it making the best with what we have. :-) I bought season tickets to the girls basketball team that I helped coach last year so her and I can go watch those games and other than that we do what normal 9 year old's do.
I have come to except that I am some what of a control freak, I like things done certain ways, and while I am not so bad as to refuse help with something like dishes because I HAVE to have them done a certain way. I am pretty bad. Nothing has made this more apparent then Joe working so much. I read an article a while back about military wives. With Colorado Springs being a military town we have a lot of wives and families that are left alone during wartime. The article showcased the fact that when their husbands leave for war at first they have a hard time adjusting and then they get in a routine. So much so that when their husbands come back it's extremely hard to change that routine. I couldn't have said it better....Joe is gone during the day and I run the house, the shopping, anything to do with Austin and what not. If by chance Joe is around for an ENTIRE day I pretty much just spend it biting my tongue thinking to myself "well we don't do things that way when you're not here". Of course I have become a master of biting my tongue these days what with owning a stressful business and watching my once gleaming credit score hit new record lows from over extension, but on occasion I let it slip generally ending is a knock down drag out fight that I win...or I think I win, but still have to apologize for. Like I said I try and just bite my tongue so it's easier. Heaven forbid Joe and I spend the whole day together alone because the phrase "you outta" comes up at some point either me saying it about the business or him saying it about the home and the gloves come off. What's the old saying...single and lonely, married (or pretending to be married) and fighting - or was it bored. Either way. :-)
Austin screams in the car. Yep all the time. Apparently not when Joe takes her somewhere though. So maybe it's my car. Like the trip to Sturgis she screamed for 5 1/2 of the 7 hour trip and since she's still a baby and we can't just beat her, we just sat and stared at each other. I swear to you if Joe had said one "dumb" thing I would have stabbed him to death. I just sat waiting for something to happen to take some frustration out. I have no clue how parents of colicky babies do it. I normally don't let noise bother me, but something about being trapped in a car with ear piercing sounds make you turn into a crazy person. The other day we were driving in traffic and she let out a screech that was so loud that I swerved, for no reason mind you, she was silent and then she was a tea kettle. Of course when she still had a pacifier this was not an issue, she slept all the time in the car, when her wicked mother took away her pacifier because I got tired of trying to find it for her all hell broke loose. I have thought about giving it back to her, but at this point I am pretty sure we are in a battle of the wills and I am refusing to lose. Most of the time we just drive with the windows down so the screaming is muffled by the wind whipping through and destroying my hair. Ahhhh, motherhood has taken something I once loved like driving and turned it into something that drives me to debate on nailing my forehead to the dash. Perfect.
I have come to except that I am some what of a control freak, I like things done certain ways, and while I am not so bad as to refuse help with something like dishes because I HAVE to have them done a certain way. I am pretty bad. Nothing has made this more apparent then Joe working so much. I read an article a while back about military wives. With Colorado Springs being a military town we have a lot of wives and families that are left alone during wartime. The article showcased the fact that when their husbands leave for war at first they have a hard time adjusting and then they get in a routine. So much so that when their husbands come back it's extremely hard to change that routine. I couldn't have said it better....Joe is gone during the day and I run the house, the shopping, anything to do with Austin and what not. If by chance Joe is around for an ENTIRE day I pretty much just spend it biting my tongue thinking to myself "well we don't do things that way when you're not here". Of course I have become a master of biting my tongue these days what with owning a stressful business and watching my once gleaming credit score hit new record lows from over extension, but on occasion I let it slip generally ending is a knock down drag out fight that I win...or I think I win, but still have to apologize for. Like I said I try and just bite my tongue so it's easier. Heaven forbid Joe and I spend the whole day together alone because the phrase "you outta" comes up at some point either me saying it about the business or him saying it about the home and the gloves come off. What's the old saying...single and lonely, married (or pretending to be married) and fighting - or was it bored. Either way. :-)
Austin screams in the car. Yep all the time. Apparently not when Joe takes her somewhere though. So maybe it's my car. Like the trip to Sturgis she screamed for 5 1/2 of the 7 hour trip and since she's still a baby and we can't just beat her, we just sat and stared at each other. I swear to you if Joe had said one "dumb" thing I would have stabbed him to death. I just sat waiting for something to happen to take some frustration out. I have no clue how parents of colicky babies do it. I normally don't let noise bother me, but something about being trapped in a car with ear piercing sounds make you turn into a crazy person. The other day we were driving in traffic and she let out a screech that was so loud that I swerved, for no reason mind you, she was silent and then she was a tea kettle. Of course when she still had a pacifier this was not an issue, she slept all the time in the car, when her wicked mother took away her pacifier because I got tired of trying to find it for her all hell broke loose. I have thought about giving it back to her, but at this point I am pretty sure we are in a battle of the wills and I am refusing to lose. Most of the time we just drive with the windows down so the screaming is muffled by the wind whipping through and destroying my hair. Ahhhh, motherhood has taken something I once loved like driving and turned it into something that drives me to debate on nailing my forehead to the dash. Perfect.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Bad Mom
I have met women that when not being politically correct (i.e. talking to J) I would call "bad mom's". At the safe house I refuse to use that term because I always believe that in every instance problems can be solved through education. So the fact that a woman or a man cannot properly give their children what they need just comes down the fact that no one has taught them differently.
However with that said, I have to admit that I do about 10 things a day that I suppose I should be judged to beat hell about. Some could say bad mom, some say necessary, but either way I have always hid these things...until now. I think that by not only keeping them inside you poison yourself, but that until J can just admit that there aren't good men out there and go down to the sperm bank and just get things done so I will have someone to vent to that understands...I have to start using this type of forum to say things like -
My daughter is in her crib currently talking away about a ball and some other stuff. 10am is nap time whether she likes it or not. So for 1.5-2 hours she is stuck in her crib. I suppose at this point it isn't much more than just a cage that I use since she can't get out, I am not real sure what I will do when she can crawl over the edge or sleeps in a big girl bed. But for now it gives me a break to install SQL 2005 on a new server (which I am doing while writing this) or get on conference calls or what not. Going one step further into my bad mom retreat here I think even if I didn't work I would sanction some time like this just for a break. Oh yeah and she goes back to her "cage" for an hour in the afternoon too.
She fell off the chair yesterday because she was "horsing around" (see how I just channeled my mother there) and I just smirked at her. I think my reaction, because I had told her to get down 4000 times. surprised her to the point that she just looked down at her legs and wouldn't make eye contact like she was embarrassed. I just shook my head and told her well I bet that hurt huh? I remember growing up with a rather unsympathetic mom and even worse yet brothers who would inflict the pain...and hearing a lot of "hurts don't it". I am trying to be more sympathetic than that, but I am finally understanding why when I broke my arm jumping off the swing sets my Mom said something like "well that's what you get".
Oh yeah and my sweet little daughter started biting a while back, and I broke her of the habit by biting her back. You know just like I would have the dogs. Ahhh, perfect. Her and I trading bites back and forth like we were siblings.
However with that said, I have to admit that I do about 10 things a day that I suppose I should be judged to beat hell about. Some could say bad mom, some say necessary, but either way I have always hid these things...until now. I think that by not only keeping them inside you poison yourself, but that until J can just admit that there aren't good men out there and go down to the sperm bank and just get things done so I will have someone to vent to that understands...I have to start using this type of forum to say things like -
My daughter is in her crib currently talking away about a ball and some other stuff. 10am is nap time whether she likes it or not. So for 1.5-2 hours she is stuck in her crib. I suppose at this point it isn't much more than just a cage that I use since she can't get out, I am not real sure what I will do when she can crawl over the edge or sleeps in a big girl bed. But for now it gives me a break to install SQL 2005 on a new server (which I am doing while writing this) or get on conference calls or what not. Going one step further into my bad mom retreat here I think even if I didn't work I would sanction some time like this just for a break. Oh yeah and she goes back to her "cage" for an hour in the afternoon too.
She fell off the chair yesterday because she was "horsing around" (see how I just channeled my mother there) and I just smirked at her. I think my reaction, because I had told her to get down 4000 times. surprised her to the point that she just looked down at her legs and wouldn't make eye contact like she was embarrassed. I just shook my head and told her well I bet that hurt huh? I remember growing up with a rather unsympathetic mom and even worse yet brothers who would inflict the pain...and hearing a lot of "hurts don't it". I am trying to be more sympathetic than that, but I am finally understanding why when I broke my arm jumping off the swing sets my Mom said something like "well that's what you get".
Oh yeah and my sweet little daughter started biting a while back, and I broke her of the habit by biting her back. You know just like I would have the dogs. Ahhh, perfect. Her and I trading bites back and forth like we were siblings.
Hourly
I am now an hourly employee...to which I have not been since I worked at Subway.
They moved everyone that is not a manager or above at Verizon to an hourly basis. Of course they got us on big conference calls to explain to us that not only would nothing change about our jobs but that they would be giving everyone a 2% pay raise for the move. Hmmmm, I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. I am a generally optimistic person but when a company gives out over 100,000 raises across the board I am leery of their plan. So perhaps I will loose something like my benefits because I am hourly or I will be loose vacation or be easier to layoff. Something will happen but until then I will continue to hold on to the only job on the face of the planet that over pays me AND allows me to raise my daughter and fully fund my significant other's company.
They moved everyone that is not a manager or above at Verizon to an hourly basis. Of course they got us on big conference calls to explain to us that not only would nothing change about our jobs but that they would be giving everyone a 2% pay raise for the move. Hmmmm, I am waiting for the other shoe to fall. I am a generally optimistic person but when a company gives out over 100,000 raises across the board I am leery of their plan. So perhaps I will loose something like my benefits because I am hourly or I will be loose vacation or be easier to layoff. Something will happen but until then I will continue to hold on to the only job on the face of the planet that over pays me AND allows me to raise my daughter and fully fund my significant other's company.
Politics
If you are a tea partier...tea bagger or whatever else you would like to be called stop reading here.
Holy smokes are we really electing people into office that would like to do with away with the mail system, department of education and foreign embassies?!?!?!?!
You're right those things are so overrated, military on foreign soil....stupid. I mean the whole UN should just be eliminated, we are after all surrounded by water thus making us an island right?
I can't get behind the whole every state for themselves idea, statistically there are already states that have a majority of their schools producing high school seniors that can't read but have passed. What would happen if they weren't held to at least some standard?
We had a tea-party guy running in Colorado...who would have won had the Republican dropped out...one of his major funding contributors was the Klan. Yes that is spelt with a "K" as in the Ku Klux Klan, you have got to be kidding me. Haven't we educated the masses past hating for skin color? But no apparently not and in fact they are not only still around but have enough support to back political figures. Sickening.
Oh yeah and something like 10-15 cities in Colorado are trying to ban dispensaries. Some are winning some are losing, but all of them are scary for us in our situation. While Colorado Springs didn't put to vote on a ban, if the other cities win you had better bet that in April there will be a ban on the ballot here.
Holy smokes are we really electing people into office that would like to do with away with the mail system, department of education and foreign embassies?!?!?!?!
You're right those things are so overrated, military on foreign soil....stupid. I mean the whole UN should just be eliminated, we are after all surrounded by water thus making us an island right?
I can't get behind the whole every state for themselves idea, statistically there are already states that have a majority of their schools producing high school seniors that can't read but have passed. What would happen if they weren't held to at least some standard?
We had a tea-party guy running in Colorado...who would have won had the Republican dropped out...one of his major funding contributors was the Klan. Yes that is spelt with a "K" as in the Ku Klux Klan, you have got to be kidding me. Haven't we educated the masses past hating for skin color? But no apparently not and in fact they are not only still around but have enough support to back political figures. Sickening.
Oh yeah and something like 10-15 cities in Colorado are trying to ban dispensaries. Some are winning some are losing, but all of them are scary for us in our situation. While Colorado Springs didn't put to vote on a ban, if the other cities win you had better bet that in April there will be a ban on the ballot here.
Buckle in for these ones....
So I have decided that I have a few things that I would like to blog about, but I will put them under different titles since they have nothing to do with each other and would rather not post a 6 page rant-blog.
First the light stuff...
J and I joined a running club last night. And let me just tell you, the best running club ever. You run downtown with at least 600 other people in spandex and all finish up at the local Irish Pub for $2 drafts of AMAZING beer. Ummm, yes!
We were talking last night while sitting sweaty in running clothes at a bar about the fact that Colorado is the most awesome place ever to live because you can't help but find truly spectacular things to do every night of the week like run for discounted beer.
The running club is free and after you show up 10 times you get a free shirt....1 down 9 to go. :-)
First the light stuff...
J and I joined a running club last night. And let me just tell you, the best running club ever. You run downtown with at least 600 other people in spandex and all finish up at the local Irish Pub for $2 drafts of AMAZING beer. Ummm, yes!
We were talking last night while sitting sweaty in running clothes at a bar about the fact that Colorado is the most awesome place ever to live because you can't help but find truly spectacular things to do every night of the week like run for discounted beer.
The running club is free and after you show up 10 times you get a free shirt....1 down 9 to go. :-)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween
So I figure I only have a few years where I can dress Austin up in exactly what I would like her to wear. And this year I managed to find matching outfits for us where the adult version was not a "naughty Minnie Mouse" (although they made that one too) so I could wear it to the Safe House party also. Here we are at Rob's house party, with one of Joe who didn't have time to put together a costume so Rob made him wear the flashing bunny ears. :-)
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