The hardest part...

The hardest part of being a mother of three isn't the lack of time, or sleep, or the expense or the obvious piles of laundry.  But instead - and this one shocks me - it's the feeling that I love so many people with more than I thought was possible.  I spend most days (hopefully this will go away when I start sleeping again) feeling just this side of a full blown anxiety meltdown.  For a controlling person this is my hardest thing.  I now have an actual list of people to take care of, to make sure that they are growing physically, emotionally and intellectually all while doing so in a graceful manner.  I take a lot of deep breaths during the day trying to not spin out of control with the what if's.  In looking at the traits of the adults I encounter on a daily basis I have built an list in my head of the ways in which I want my kids to act, and the ways I don't.  It's daunting most days and makes my heart hurt when I feel like the girls were mean to a bug for no reason, or when they won't except the responsibility when the milk spills.  Truthfully the worst part, is that we are by far the strictest parents we hang out with and in the end who's to say that ours will turn out the best...maybe the family down the street that lets their kids do whatever they want will have the Rhode scholar.  Sigh.  I keep going back to the fact that all of us parents are just treading water trying not to drown, perhaps they all feel just as I do.

Spring is here!

I can't believe it has taken me so long to write out a blog.  And if I can be honest the entire reason that I haven't been blogging is because my phone is out of space so I can't take pictures and generally blogs are at least in part started by a picture that I wanted to share.  But it's been too long so I am going to try and dig up several pictures if I can find them.

We hosted the Buche's, Mills' and Helen for Spring Break, along with some of our friends totaling out 21 people in one house on the side of the Breckenridge slopes.  It was a fantastic time!

If the Buche kids had kept their faces covered up from the sun rather than just from Joe taking pictures...they probably would not have had the awful sunburn that they did.  Ooopps.

As you can tell, Jackson still gets to ride in style still on the Momma Sherpa.

Most people have already seen this one, but look at how stinking cute this little guy is with his mustache.

Our girls tried so hard to stay up and act like big girls while everyone was in town...but at last they failed most nights.

Nate is staying with us now, so we have his bike in the garage...obviously too tempting not to sit on. :-D

Carri and Tadd hosted Easter this year.  From the looks of it my girls must not remember dying eggs in the past.

Joe decided to send me to my early grave and built this monstrosity in our back yard.  That rake leaning up against the tree on the inside is full size...so yes that means my super clumsy children are a good 12-18 feet up in the air.  Grrrr!

And now he is working on each side of it to make it more terrifying than the last.  Here's the siding that the girls have already tried AND FAILED to climb and then slide down.

May at the wall.

I am having a May at the Wailing Wall kind of day.  I am sad, not for myself but for a friend and actually for her newborn son.  He was born yesterday at 34 weeks and was rushed into surgery for numerous bowl obstructions, he will have more surgeries and countless days in and out of hospitals.  As I stare at my healthy children I am so saddened by their pain.  My only hope by absorbing this pain today is that it takes just even a fraction off of them, that somehow just as you can feel the collective energy of people that too, you can be relieved by them sharing your pain.

Sledding and Smiles

Days turn into weeks and then I realize I haven't been on here in forever.  Ooopps!

 I am still crazy busy at work, Joe is working more hours thanks to some employee changes and then of course there are the three kids to take up the rest of the free time.

We have manged to fit some fun in there.  Including this "get go" which is what Hoss and Joe call it, allow you to pick up additional speed to go off jumps.  As you can tell -

• The dogs love our time outside and their girls.
• Tyler is still super scared of everything.
• Austin hollers like her Mom when she is excited/scared (for any of you that have ever ridden a roller coaster with me - we have another screamer)

Just look at that little face!  Such a happy little boy.

Here is where Jackson and I hung out while the rest of them used the sledding/snowboarding hill.

Mondays

Mondays are crazy around here, the kids are sensitive, I have a ton of meetings and Joe works all day long.  Mondays are a welcome back to the week that you wouldn't wish on your enemies, but yet they happen all the time.  While I am swamped at work I can't seem to bring myself to start any of projects so instead I am here counting down until the day is over hoping my ocular pressure doesn't build up into blindness. :-)


Austin and Jackson have such a special bond already, everyone has always told me that Tadd believes I walk on water...perhaps that started at this age?

Setting himself up for some disappointment already - being a Bears fan.

Yawn...

Jackson gets up once a night and then once in the morning.  So on a normal night he gets up between 2-4 and then again 2-3 hours later.  Last night I was up at 2AM and then again at 5AM and then up at 7 for my day, it completely wipes me out, if I could get to bed earlier than midnight it might not be so bad but wow....Mama is sleepy.  My vocabulary is the first to go, if you have spoken to me recently, I am sorry.  I spend a lot more time than necessary finding the right words, only to fall back on just describing what I mean.  It's like speaking to a scatterbrained Porky the Pig.

It's beautiful here today so we went outside during my lunch break, I think Jackson will become a lover of the outdoors...he couldn't keep his eyes off the trees and the sky.  All snug in his first trip out in the front pouch.

The girls are extremely good at including him whenever I will let them, like playing the iPad here.

My crack cocaine. I LOVE sleeping babies.  This is his spot every night after we put the girls down.

Ol' Edward Scissor hands has been cutting up his face pretty good but look at that happy baby...completely not phased by the gash on his cheek.

Remember this "kid comparison" that my Mom did of me, Tadd, Austin and Tyler.  Holy smokes Jackson is like a little bit of all of us.

Well, and some of his father thrown in there.  Perhaps Joe and I look enough a like that it creates these little people that look so much like the both of us.

Austin loves being his big sister including (and almost especially) when he is upset.  Here he is fussing and she is bouncing him on her lap. She takes her job very seriously, which makes me happy...I may be a lot of things to a lot of people but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am a good big sister.

This and that...

I started back at work last Friday.  I can't believe it has already been 6 weeks.  Joe happened to come home early that day and caught me mid pity party, if he had been home in the evening as usual I am sure I would have pulled it together but no.  So my new boss is more of a hands on type of person whereas my old boss I never spoke to, I logged on Friday and went about my day as usual...until my boss sent me an email asking if I was in fact working because he hadn't seen anything from me all day.  Hmmm.  Keep in mind he hadn't sent me an email that needed a response or anything, instead I think he was attempting to check in but used the wrong verbiage.  I took this as a direct attack (probably a little over the top) on my integrity.  It's been better at work since then but I am still pretty well exhausted at the end of each day.

Jackson is doing well, growing like a little weed...however he is super sensitive to gas pain.  One burp stuck and the neighbors know about it.  Joe swears that he is more sensitive than the girls were but I think that's our "parent amnesia" kicking in - the same one that allows you to forget labor pains. ;-)

Just look at that little face...how can you stay upset with him? :-)

His cheeks are starting to comfortably rest of his chest.

His room all done (well nearly, I haven't hung up anything yet...apparently I keep running out of time).  The crib all back together after I refinished it and the wall that was suppose to be grey and looks more green.

Some of you may remember Joe's lion...one of my next projects to refinish.