Lying to myself

We found out a week and a half a go that baby #2 is breech and we go back in on Monday to see if she has turned on her own or if we have to look into other options. Of course in this scenario other options are more than likely a c-section. I have been trying to come to terms with the pending surgery but no matter how cheery I seem on the outside I haven't slept well since we heard. I blame our natural birth classes, we took 8 weeks of classes when I was pregnant with Austin that basically went into great detail as to how horrible c-sections are for baby and mom. Now to be presented with one due to unexplained reasons is hard to swallow. I have read every medical journal, blog, and news article I can get my hands on and still rest no easier. While the logical side of me completely agrees that if it is safest for baby then we just need to schedule it, the part that has done so much research is fighting the sane part of my brain. I have been going to the chiropractor to try and turn her and while I am completely bruised she is still sitting pretty darn happy...and sideways, which is the other bummer. She's not even feet down, but rather laying across my (what I can only imagine) too big of an abdomen sideways. I read yesterday about some rather unorthodox births where a baby can come out bottom first but the mom has to undergo A LOT of stitches to make that happen and of course if the baby's heartbeat drops for any reason you are rushed in for the scary emergency c-section anyways. I read a story about a baby who had a sack of fluid next to their spine and was breech, as it turns out if the baby had been born naturally the sack would have had so much pressure applied to it that the baby would have been instantly paralyzed but instead was born via c-section and underwent surgery just fine. I thought for sure that would make me feel better but alas it did not. So here I sit worried about things I cannot change which is breaking one of my cardinal rules, hoping beyond reason that all the medical journals are false and there won't be bonding issues, or breastfeeding issues, or onset asthma, increased illness and failure to thrive. Not to mention that I actually just laughed out loud thinking of me being able to take two full weeks off to heal. I have already promised to begin checking emails when I get home from the hospital oh yeah and that two year old little girl I have running around that I won't be able to pick up.